Started out with a mental gratitude journal...

After a great night I came home and I was feeling grateful for a lot...then that transformed into a late-night conversation with a friend, which made me not only appreciate what I have, but also realise something about the kind of relationships I want in my life. The topic has come up a few times the past few weeks, with a few people, perhaps it's just that time of the year. As university students we're faced with that dreaded countdown to friends graduating, figuring out what they'll be doing next month and unfortunately them telling you just how far away they'll be. Then what happens next...well, we are all quite familiar with it. Though, it doesn't always happen that way.

I think what I figured out is though I have this anthropologically based concept of why marriage doesn't work and monogamy isn't necessarily the way of the future [for the next generation] I still want it. I still want to spend the rest of my life with someone who understand me, someone who constantly tests me, teases me, calls me out on my bs. I want to have someone to share with. Now if that falls under the banner of marriage or not, we'll see. But after this conversation I realised something.

***text courtesy of that annoying, yet slightly useful new inbox thing-ey on facebook. 

Let me cut in here and explain why I think marriages don’t always work... as people we are constantly changing and growing. You might be compatible with your partner today, but in the following 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades, things will happen and you will change as a person, independent of your partner. So what ensures that you will both be compatible at any given point in your futures? Nothing. It takes work to hold onto a relationship while all of that is going on. And maybe I’m generalizing but something about the current divorce rate tells me that people today aren’t willing to work for it, and it’s sad. But it seems to be a reality. So maybe monogamy, the nuclear family and whatever it is our parents (though I should probably be referring more to our grandparents) have will not be the reality we experience. Why their marriages lasted so long, that’s a whole different conversation in itself.

Though this argument still makes logical sense to me. When you find someone you want to spend your life with, that person is not someone who has a predetermined box. The two of you create your own box. So yes, you will change and grow at different paces, but that deep trust and connection is still there, so whatever the two of you decide to add to the box next, it won’t really matter if the colours match. In the end it just works. And that makes logical sense too, if your core values stay the same, a relationship can work because each person can discuss changes and make compromises and work with the other to make sure that life changes and events don't cause a degradation.

Now this doesn't just apply to romantic/lifelong relationships. This conversation started out with a friend of mine. And I feel blessed that I have people like this in my life - no predetermined boxes. No matter what happens, where we are in life, where we are geographically, we can pick up where we left off. We can always snap right back into a groove we created together long ago. That’s a sign of true friendship to me. and what I enjoy is that when I’m feeling down about someone moving away and potentially being just another passer-by in my life, I meet someone new who reminds me that the world is a beautiful place and sometimes these people need to simply stop by to remind you just how lucky you are.

While we’re on this sentimental, ‘La Vida es Bella’ note, check out this link

Here's to wonderful people!