I have always tried to be the kind of person who took full responsibility for her actions. I follow the ideology that 10 years from now I don't want to be blaming anyone for any missed opportunities, botched jobs, falters, errors etc. I want to be held accountable. And I think I've done a decent job of that, thus far. I take responsibility for my actions and how they sometimes affect those around me. But there are moments of weakness when I wish I had all the perks of adulthood, but the benefits of someone else pulling all the right strings, making the perfect decisions, rendering immaculate results.
Sometimes I wish someone would fix me. Or at the very least tell me how to do it so I could get over the hump and just be good already. But apparently this is the 'real world' and you have to work hard at bettering yourself. Shit gets hard to do and sometimes if you've been down for so long, the trek back up seems far, maybe even pointless. But oh gosh! are there advantages to getting on top of things and putting your all into it! Even if you don't see immediate results, at least you can go to bed knowing that you juiced yourself to the last drop in pursuit of something important [to you].
In recent weeks I've seen myself succeed and I've seen myself falter - in some of the smallest and some of the most significant of situations! And as much as I sit back and hate the feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me in that Rrrrroll-up-the-rim-to-win-voice, "Try again", I find strength and empowerment in the voice in the back of my head that says "Keep on trekking, you're getting there". So, as much as I want to be spoon-fed easy answers and solutions to life's trivia; I relish the idea that I can and will work hard to constantly better myself. Because I've seen the fruits of my efforts and though I'm sure the journey will be a constant, I'm slowly falling in love with the process. These are the wise words of a wise man who once told me that the secret is to simply "fall in love" with all of it.
PS. Has it really been 2 months since my last post?! Ick.
