Something I've been thinking about this for quite some time, years actually - adoption. Today I want to talk about what that means to me. The idea came from a few life experiences. For a large part of my childhood I was well aware that my aunt had trouble getting pregnant. And like many other bodily ailments, at some point I began worrying that as I came closer to a point in my life where I wanted to get pregnant, I might have trouble. So adoption began surfacing as an idea. With more thought and as I grew older and thought more about children around the world, as well as my own motivation to mother, adoption seemed like a no-brainer. All I wanted was to be able to offer love to a child. Whether said child comes out of my body or someone else's - I don't particularly care. People tell me I'm naive. I've heard that I will feel differently as I grow, I will want to feel a child in my womb. Can you feel your womb? Yea, I didn't think so.
On that note, I will share another personal fear. As soon as I began talking about my plans and putting the idea out into the world, I was overcome with intense anxiety. Now that I had put out there that I wanted to adopt, by some worldly energy I will now definitely not be able to bear a child. I'll admit, the thought of losing that option scared me. It took all of an hour before I asked my mom for her gyno's number. I think I'm over the anxiey now. Regardless of my options, I am quite set in my decision to adopt at least one child, if not more. The number of children I eventually have is dependent on many things. Whether I bear my own as well, that’s something to think about at a different point in my life.
Something I do want to point out is this notion - I'm not saying it is held by many, but I will say that too many people have brought it up for me to ignore its existence. The belief is that if I was to bear and birth a child and adopt another that I will love my biological child more than my adopted; simply because said child exited my body. Again, funny how people are so comfortable telling you how you will feel.
Realistically, and anyone who has taken a child psychology course will know that there is a feedback system when it comes to parenting. You will react to a child's temperament for example. Your child in turn will react to you, as well as to your reaction. If you have two children, and one is more difficult, it is possible that you will react differently. It is possible that as a child grows and develops, as a parent you might find yourself getting along more easily with one child versus the other. I have a much better relationship with my mom. But I am more like my dad, personality-wise. If that is seen as differences in love so be it. But what I'm trying to say is, your relationship with one of your children is not a carbon copy of your relationship with another.
But to say that love for a child is contingent on whether or not the child exits your body - that's disgusting. And how do you measure love? C'mon. I want to be a mother, to love a child. If you want to be a parent to claim ownership - please don't bother. There are so many children who are craving love, stability, parents. I just happen to be craving someone to offer that to. Point final. Anyhow, I just don't like the idea of conditional love. For various reasons that will tangent into conversations that are best had on a different day.
