Is it 2012 yet?

This year I wanted to make a more legitimate list. For some reason I think “no poutine” just won’t cut it as a resolution this year. Though, I am quite proud of myself, I can count the number of times I’ve had poutine in the past year on one hand :)

This year I will answer “yes” when asked if I am fluent in French, with absolutely no hesitation.

This year I want to spend more time with my family. I really do take my parents for granted, and so this year I want to make more time for them. It doesn’t even have to be anything special, just trying to watch tv together or something. But I’m really going to make a concerted effort.

The next resolution is a very personal project. I have a tendency to not forget anything, especially very emotionally charged moments in my life. This year I want to do something about all the emotional baggage I carry around with me. It’s not a bad thing per se, it makes me who I am, but some of it has become a hindrance and in the past few months I’ve become an avoider of any/all the major issues. So this year I will fix it – whether it means trying out EFT by myself, or maybe even going to see a therapist (I’ve always wanted to) or maybe I just need to open up to the people around me in a ‘real’ way as opposed to the superficial opening up I find myself doing more and more often these days.

Within this year also falls a great anniversary... it'll be the end of my "exploration" year - what started out as a conversation with an old prof, and then an intership at SAWCC (and maybe even a job come January 6th)... the year is up in 2011 and that means I've got some decisions to make, some proposals to write, some serious changes...

This year I want a plan. It’s been a while since I’ve had one, and part of the reason why is because I’ve become addicted to the thrill and adrenaline rush of living each day as it comes. But now I’m feeling more and more like I need a solid direction and path, the go with the flow attitude of the past few months has led me astray and I’ve made too many careless mistakes. So by the end of January I want a plan outlining some of my goals and pathways for the year, if not longer. By the end of Jan, I should have something on paper. 

I want to be bolder. I haven’t quite figured out what bolder means because my baseline has changed drastically, so this resolution is a work in progress. Definition pending.

I want to learn how to focus. Anyone who knows me knows that I have peak hours of productivity, late evening and early in the morning. But lately, my focus has been so off that I find myself accomplishing less and less. I get sidetracked, and this is evident in the projects I’ve taken on – the number, the themes, the locations lol – all the travelling has taken its toll on me these past 4 months. This goal relies on the abovementioned goals, figuring things out and feeling more relaxed in my own skin will surely help me focus better, in all areas of my life.

I’m going to burrow a little deeper into my hole and shrink my friend circle. Chalk it up to another bout of personal/life cleansing, but I want to shuffle things around and focus more on the people who are really important to me. I can’t waste more precious time on small talk with people I don’t care for. I can’t stand another moment of the toxicity certain people bring me. I want to take a large chunk of time to work on myself, to better myself, because despite all the realisations I’ve come to, despite the enormous personal growth of the past year I have not taken the time to delve in, sift through all the life lessons and really figure them out. And it’s not until I’ve done that, that I’ll be able to put any of it to good use. Right now it’s just a pile sitting in the back of my mind (spirit? space between my subconscious and conscious mind? wherever it is...), and my newly developed habit of avoiding anything personally/emotionally meaningful has a lot to do with the stagnant nature of said ‘pile’. Plus I feel like when I really truly embrace solitude and some of the negative emotions of it I grow and gain a better understanding of myself. And I write more. I’ve been typing nonstop this past 48 hours and I’m loving it.

My resolutions are a little ambiguous and by the end of 2011 the conclusions will be untestable for reasons Freud and the study of psychoanalysis could shed some light on, but it is what it is. Wish me luck with this chapter in a book I’m calling Self-Realisation for Dummies.

It's Tanuary!

“Tanuary, which invites us to raise awareness for skin cancer by going out to the tanning salon and getting yourself all Snookiefied for the winter.”

– Moustache Rides, Micheal Citrone. “The Mirror”

Movember was torturous for me for two reasons. Firstly, I’m not the biggest fan of facial hair on men, or women for that matter (yes, I’m being cheeky – I was also the one making jokes about growing out my moustache in support haha) and secondly, I knew there were more than a few people doing it for the wrong reasons or no reason at all. It’s all part of this new-found fake activism I’ve noticed. How many of these men went out and got tested, how many spoke to their doctors, brothers, fathers about the issue. How many raised money for the cause? I know a few guys who did and I respect them for taking the ‘stache’ to new heights. But the sad thing is they were a minority. Many men were growing out the handlebars just because everyone else was doing it – does sitting on the same bandwagon as the “active” activists make you an activist, by association? I think not. Get off your ass and do something. 

It’s not enough to say you’ve educated yourself about an issue – what are you doing with that piece of knowledge? Are you sharing it? Are you doing anything to change the current situation? I am a whole-hearted believer in baby steps and grassroots initiatives, so yes, one person can change the world. It will not be a grandiose gesture that will do it, but it is a ripple effect. And it’s common sense! Why do parents teach their kids right from wrong? So they will grow up knowing it, living it, teaching it, propagating “good” ideals to their children ---see? The Ripple Effect. Why is Movember important? It raises awareness of an illness that is growing and affecting more and more people. Educating yourself helps you better educate the people around you. This in turn ensures that more people get tested, leading to early diagnosis and better prognosis---see? The Ripple Effect. Yes, grow the moustache! But donate a toonie. Talk to your dad. Go get tested. Awareness is the backbone of prevention – this applies to any illness. Think HIV/AIDS – get educated, be safe and wrap it up, get tested. You hear these phrases all the time, yet at least 1 person in Quebec gets HIV EVERYDAY!

But back to the issue at hand. There was this heart-string pulling status craze on Facebook a few weeks ago. It was about Special Needs kids – basically, copy paste the short blurb into your status box if you care. It was part of “Special Education Week” to raise awareness of issues associated with children with special needs. I feel very strongly about said issue, so I posted it. Almost immediately a friend of mine posted a link in response. The link led to an article about a mother who, after being so touched by the awareness initiative tried to look further into this Awareness Week. Turns out, the week doesn’t exist. So I started talking to people about it, I deleted the status, and I did some pondering... what does this status craze really accomplish? A few people feel all warm and fuzzy thinking about this children, and then to top it all off they post the status update and take that good feeling home with them. But how many of them read up on learning disabilities trying to better understand the issue? How many of them took action and decided to help out in some way? How many of them got off their asses and did something?!! Forget this example – how many people hear about something even remotely like this and decide to TAKE ACTION? It’s depressing as hell.

This is a superficial activism – the only good that comes out of it, is that people feel good about themselves for donating mere seconds of their time where they think “oh, that’s unfortunate for [insert target group here]”, maaaaybe empathise a little, feel good because they are caring people, and then move on with their lives. I won’t say unchanged, because empathy is hard to develop and it’s something worth working on, so if status updates, clicking an online petition for killer whales, wearing multi-coloured ribbons and plastic flowers, yelling an “Amen” to a disgruntled person on a soapbox helps do that, then so be it. What I’m saying is that it’s not nearly enough. Awareness should lead to action; it should be stirring people to do something. And yes, I suppose there are people who are stirred into action, because then there would be no change, and I can’t lie – there is change. But then you know what? I want to revoke that good feeling! Why should you get to feel good about doing nothing?! Hmph.

Ahh! Kelly Clarkson!

Society’s obsession with hairlessness has always been perplexing for me. How did we get here? In a time where we are more and more aware of the intricacies of our bodies, our health, we negate the role bodily hair plays and choose to remove it for vanity’s sake. And it’s a mission, let me tell you! So many different methods and products; bodily hair is just that – bodily – it has a tendency to be everywhere. The process becomes incredibly time-consuming; the brain space and energy invested feels like a waste of life in the grand scheme of things. (The market for hair removal methods/products must be quite lucrative, in case you’re interested)

The purpose of this post? Hell if I know. But it was spurred by an article I read a few days ago. It was about an aesthetician who specializes in hair removal (waxing) for men. She loves waxing, “it’s like an art” (is that sadism if she enjoys inflicting pain? But then again, if someone is approaching her for the end result - that they will appreciate, maybe the process itself is of no concern. Oh but she doesn’t gain sexual pleasure from inflicting pain so I guess you can’t call it sadism). Read “Balls Go Bald” here
Ok no more tangents! Ugh.

Apparently there are many men out there who prefer to be “smooth as a baby...” I know a few guys who choose to shave their pits, among other things. Then there’s the waxed chest – Kudos to men who wax. There is a certain level of ‘awe’ I associate with a man who can share and appreciate that feeling of hopelessness and sheer defeat (or loss of the willingness to live, as one friend put it) while a woman is mercilessly ripping the hair out of your body.

But how did we get here – why the change? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining – it’s your body; to each his own. But I’m just saying… there’s been a change since the Robin Williams-like time where guys everywhere equated their manhood to the abundance, or lack thereof, of hair that grew on their chests.

Another thing that intrigues me is society’s obsession with the pre-pubescent body. On the one hand, I understand the attraction to the youthful body – baby face, smooth, supple skin etc – evolutionary theories explain this well. Foucault, I believe would have his own two cents to donate to the discussion.

Is it perpetual youth we crave? Is it purely evolutionary programming that we’re following?

What does this say about people who find themselves attracted to children? … And now tell me how that translates when a woman attempts to achieve the pre-pubescent look because the man she is with finds it attractive?  Watch Eve Ensler perform “Hair” from the Vagina Monologues here

This will launch me into a whole other conversation about sexuality, the baby-fication of grown women, and minors. Sexy pictures of adults in pigtails with lollipops; and pictures of children in some of the same attire, but in sexualized positions. And no, I’m not talking about pornography; in fact, I’m talking about popular advertising. So for fear of a new tangent developing, I’ll stop here.

Thoughts?

My Happy List

For Saaraa, this post took an odd turn while I was writing yesterday (that one’ll go up later) – but for the time being, here’s the happy list :)
...

I've been waking up happy the past few days. It’s a beautiful thing to start off the day while you’re harbouring this deep rooted blissful feeling. It might have something to do with the people I’ve been surrounding myself with lately. Maybe it has something to do with coming to terms with the direction I’m going in…or coming to terms with the unknown, rather. Maybe it’s the momentary warmth – something to do with the fact that while I’m lingering in bed, that’s about the only time I’ll be warm all day, considering winter (aka the cranky-as-hell-don’t-mess-with-a-cold-chick) months are upon us. 

 But either way, I’m not complaining. Rather, I feel like I’ve been sharing my happy feeling with people around me. If you can, please take a moment to savour something, anything. 20 minutes of your favourite old-school sitcom, a piece of pink sea salt dark chocolate, a bubble bath, a few moments to daydream about that guy you sat across from in cyber (or better yet, hit him up on http://likealittle.com/mcgill HAhaHa ridiculously entertaining). The sanity, clarity of mind and new-found ability to focus you’ll get from a few moments of relaxation will be worth it. We all need to recharge once in a while.


My Happy List:

-When you read a line or passage in a book that is just so good, you need to lie back and feel it reverberate through your body. 
-Looking through old pictures or finding old ticket stubs – I love those odd moments where you find something and you get to get lost in a pretty memory.
-The smell of jasmine
-Sharing London Fogs
-Watching a kid learn something new; that look of “Wow, did I really just do that on my own?” is priceless.
-That nice, kind of embarrassed feeling I get when I realize that I just let you know how I really feel :)
-Strangers who smile back
-Baking with friends
-My quirky happy dance, that only Fatima appreciates
-Signing on to my computer and a cute “Hi, I miss you” message pops up
-Mittens on a string [poking through jacket sleeves]
-Gingerale and dark chocolate
-Spending the day at a café, sipping on tea, marveling at new cookie recipes, people watching, re-reading a classic. Bliss.