My dearest Mario

Super Mario and I have always had a very special relationship... him and his games have been there for the most defining moments of my life. That plumber has a very special place in my heart.

But like any couple, we have our moments. But recently I've come to conclude that we have a rocky relationship. I think we've reached a point where we are just going in two different directions, we have grown and changed and just don't seem to be compatible anymore. You know how most couples go through this, and they make compromises, and they end up growing and adapting together? Well Mario and I, you see, his Go Karting stage is just a little too much for me... and that Princess... well let's just say I have some interesting alternate names for her.

And to mark today, which is a momentous occasion in our relationship, I would like to share a few things:

Firstly, I am so proud of Mario for taking the plumbing profession to new heights. He and Luigi are doing so well for themselves, especially after they pooled their resources together in Super Smash Bros.

Secondly, I would like to make a retraction of my previous "the princess is just naive" comment(s). She is Not. She is a total hoe-bag, excuse my french. And I Do Not Approve.

Like I mentioned, Mario has really been there for me... but not even he could help me when I got behind that wheel (or joystick rather). I was doomed. And when I got stuck in that train tunnel, I was scared and alone and I didn't know what to do, how to get out.. and Mario couldn't get to me. He was too busy, right? All the way up there on his third round, he paid no heed to me. And I have to say, that was the last straw.

So Mario darling, I'm leaving you. I might just decide to shack up with Yoshi. I know you don't like him, but maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to go out saving that pretty little princess of yours! Damsel in distress - why you little!!


Have a nice life Mario. I hope she makes you happy.


P.S. They're fake. Just thought I'd put that out there.